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| So, yesterday was my surgery. I don't remember any of it.
It's rather discomforting to be wide awake one minute and then all of a sudden be waking up in a different room.
This opperation went so amazingly smooth. And I was able to be released only minutes after I awoke because I felt perfectly fine.
And I'm able to move my lips much easier than the last time I had a scar reductions surgery.
My mom thinks that my original surgeries were more reconstruction than scar reduction.
The swelling of my lip has gone down considerably, but it's still a bit puffy. And it doesn't hurt, unless I smile. Mike came over today. It was nice. He kept making me smile, even though he was trying not to, cuz he knew it hurt me.
We watched A Christmas Invasion and then played Battle Ship.
We keep ending up lying down next to eachother everytime we're alone. Lying down and more than half the time I'm encircled by his arms. He's always trying to make me warm, saying I'm always too cold. It's not my fault he's a werewolf.
Still, I can't help but love how he didn't make a big deal about my stiches. If anything, he was interested. Yes, he was concerend when it hurt, but no needless worrying, no waiting on me. He treated me like I was normal.
If only that were the case. And, Dianna, I know I stole a lot of your icons. But, when I went through all your xanga entries and found them all, I found a lot of icons I know originated from me. =] -love   
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| There's too much going on in my life right now, even with band pretty much over.
Musical, Band, Dance, School. Really school. I have to do my homework before school starts.
I haven't read, drawn, or written anything in a long time.
I feel like I have to comfort everybody. Not that I don't mind doing it, I feel helpless if I can't, well, help.
But it's Rose and Nicole and Courtney and Mike and Summer and so many other little things.
And I feel like Summer keeps pushing me away.
And I feel like I'm not as a good friend to Rose as she thinks I am.
And I feel like Mike does know what he's doing to me, but is too selfish to stop. I'm getting my face rearranged tomorrow. I've said this to many a time to Rose, but only her.
I'm nervous. Not about the procedure, but about the week after where I have stiches on my lip, and everyone can see.
I don't handle awkwardness and staring well. I know I act as if I don't care about what other people think, but I do.
If not about the big things, about the little. I feel as if what's going on with my life right now was never supposed to have happend. That this is all wrong.
But there's nothing on my back. I want some change. A reoccuring statement of mine.
I'm stuck and I need something new.
Yet, it seems like everything is new, just not the new I wanted. ily    | | |
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[SUPPORT avada kedavra... creat Vampires] 
[My heart beats faster So you can break it quicker]
[we're the type of friends that fight for the button on the elevator]
[can't anyone help?]
[I just want to be loved]
[Help... please]
[Will you be my fairy tale?]
[You give me that funny feeling in my tummy. I think it's vomit]
[i think my toes are jealous of my fingers. THEY CAN POINT AT THINGS!!!]
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| Gwen!
So, I'm freaking out internally over two things. one: SATs. I have no idea when I'll get the results back and I really hope I did well. I missed about seventeen math questions.
That's no points lost or gained. You only lose 1/4 of a point for every incorrect answer, or at least I think so.
So..... I think I did pretty decent on the English parts, and I was pretty damn lucky on which booklet I got, because I had only three math sections.
But still, I didn't skip any English questions, so that either hurt me bad or made me great. I don't know. My essay was crap.
I only had enough time to write four paragraphs. I want to know what I got already! two: Mike. I'm pretty sure you know what's going on there. Does he really not know what he's doing to me?
The real problem is that I didn't want to let go of his hand Saturday, even though I knew I had to.
Just, the way he said his answer, it made me think he was really saying he wanted to go out with me.
And, my reply shot him down. But what else can I do?
He's still in love with Jordan. He still likes me. And he's going out with Lauren.
Nothing, I can do nothing. It's all up to him and he has no clue on what should be done.
I probably wouldn't care so much if he was happy, but he's not. i cant seem to stop repeating these in my head If only, if only, the woodpecker sighs,
The bark on the trees were as soft as the skies.
The wolf waits below, hungry and lonely,
And cries to the moon, if only, if only. Starlight, star bright
The first star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
To have this wish I wish tonight It's rather troublesome. </3 -Rose 
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| MICCA finals I thought we did okay, the music was good, but from where I was there were some major mistakes visually.
I was really surprised we got as good of a score as we did.
Five's in everything except General Effect. That we got a 4. All around, Gold. Good, right?
Then why did I feel so let down afterwards?
Why can't things ever feel right? MBDA FINALS We got gold. Four stars all around. But there was no spark. NESBA FINALS We got platnium, first time in the history of SHS marching band. 95.3
We still came in third after Stoten and Dartmoth.
Color Gaurd won best in the division.
But it wasn't anything spectacular, to me, when we got off the field.
Nor was it to Mike. He was depressed about it.
Only making me so, too. 
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